Let’s rewind to the moment I wrote my wedding vows, or as I like to call it, “three in the morning, the day before I got married.” It was one of the most overwhelming processes. Weddings, God, they make you go crazy. I was fatigued, emotionally wrecked, and in no place to write ‘the’ most important promises I might ever make to someone.
I had procrastinated enough on the task, so I sat in my room, crying into the sheets and agonizing for inspiration. Forget the good food, the venue, the dress, we made people understand why they were there in the first place; I felt like we did our job well. But, very soon I realized that I might have skipped a vow or two that could actually help you sail through your married life.
So, here are the 5 vows I believe you should take to enjoy a lifetime of marital bliss:
Become each other’s best friends, if you already aren’t
Well, it won’t be wrong to say that I am quite fortunate to have gotten married to my best friend. Most people might think otherwise; I heard people say that having him or her as your best friend will be the death knell to the marriage. But, for me, it has been a blessing. I know couples who have known each other since they were 8, they’ve basically grown up together; fighting, crying, learning and doing anything and everything you can think of as best friends.
They knew each other in and out; it might sound scary, but trust me it isn’t. It is the best feeling when your partner knows what you’re feeling without him/her asking/bugging you. The idea is to emotionally understand one another and not just physically stick together all the time.
Take that extra step
Even though I’ve known my wife for 10 years now, we have tiffs and spats. But, what I’ve learnt after 5 years of being married is that you either sleep on it and discuss it in the morning or discuss it right then; researchers may have different views on it. But, basically don’t let the argument drag on for more than a day; that’s what my mother always says.
The longer you stay up arguing, the worse the argument will probably get because you start to get cranky and lash out, saying anything to make the fight end instead of actually resolving the issue. Commit to revisiting the conversation again the next day, once you’re rested and regain a little perspective. Being happy as part of a couple demands making concessions and expressing appreciation for all that the other person does well.
Don’t fret over the ‘small’ stuff
Telling her (my wife) not to worry about something is like telling a baby not to cry. Anxiety is in her nature and almost certainly will always make up a core amount of her being. With that said, she has found some comfort in knowing that there truly are things not to worry about in a marriage.
The golden rule, as most people say, ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’, has been our mantra ever since we started dating, and we still follow this rule. The bickering can range from trivial to absurd, but in the midst of all other stresses in life, whether or not the ketchup bottle has been left outside the refrigerator can feel like a really big deal. So, when you find yourself in such a situation, just ‘breathe’ and re-center.
Take care of each other’s health
“I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wedded wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife, in plenty and want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”
We don’t realize how important and meaningful this vow is; ‘In sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live’. There will be various situations in life where your partner may not be around, or you may not be financially very sound, or an emergency comes around; for all these situations you must get a health insurance that’ll help you sail through difficult times.
If you don’t give due time and attention to your health, it takes a toll on sooner or later. To manifest the relationship of your dreams, you need to be mindful of each other’s needs even without the other person voicing them.
Never stop trying
Well, most people might say that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be; but it’s not that easy and simple. Life cannot be measured strictly in blacks and whites, there’s also the grey areas, and marriage has enough of its own grey areas. Even though you may not agree, but I believe that everything comes back to how hard you try.
So, I urge you to take a stand against becoming someone who feels they can stop putting effort into a marriage, or for that matter any relationship. Never ever take your partner for granted. Do not treat them like they are just an ordinary thing in your life. And don’t ever stop showing them that you care.
Trust me; every word I’ve said here comes with a lot of experience. Sadly, far too many relationships stagnate because one or both parties have become too comfortable. So, just keep in mind that a marriage, like your life, is constantly evolving, and even though I love to live in a fairytale, there is no such thing as “happily ever after” without some hard work behind it.
So, swallow it down that the key to a successful relationship lies in the little things you do for each other and even though you may lose the passion and intensity sometimes, don’t forget to keep the flame ignited forever. After all, you did get married to spend the rest of your lives together, right?
Occasionally, the relationship between a husband and wife turns sour, particularly when either or both spouses feel betrayed. In such situations, a couple should seek out a marriage counsellor nearest to their home. Read on to find out why at Confidentiality: Should I Seek Marriage Counseling Near Me?