Hospital lingo can be dead serious, very serious, serious, not serious, jolly, light hearted, funny, hilarious or absolutely insane. Abbreviations and acronyms make it to the top of the list when it comes to medical humour and sarcasm. I can never get enough of it and I scourged the net to find some interesting ones to add to my kitty of funny medical abbreviations. You can find them in the nurse’s note, the doctor’s scribble, and even the technician’s records, not to forget the graffiti in the rest room of the hospital. Humour finds a special place in the hospital and its daily humdrum. Here is my list of Funny Medical Abbreviations and Acronyms. Enjoy.
ABITHAD – Another Blithering Idiot – Thinks He’s A Doctor.
ADR – Ain’t Doin’ Right.
AGMI – Ain’t Gonna Make It
ART – Assuming Room Temperature (recently deceased).
ATS – Acute Thespian Syndrome (the patient is faking illness)
ATSWWT – Always Thinks Something’s Wrong With Them.
CNS-QNS – Central Nervous System – Quantity Not Sufficient.
CTD – “Circling The Drain”. May also mean “Certain To Die”
DAAD – Dead As A Doornail.
DBI – Dirt Bag Index – multiply the number of tattoos by the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.
DIC – Death Is Coming, Death In Cage – used by veterinarians describing the complications of Disseminated intravascular coagulation
DRT – Dead Right There.
EFT – Eleventh Floor Transfer (in a 10 floor hospital; refers to patient who is very close to death)
FDGB – Fall Down Go Boom.
FFFFF – Fat, Female, Fertile, Forty and Flatulent
FF or FFY – Frequent Flyer – A patient who returns to a medical provider for everything.
FLD – Funny Looking Dad.
FLK – Funny Looking Kid – used to indicate a child (usually a newborn) whose habitus or overall appearance, while normal in gross anatomy, suggests a need further medical investigation for congenital and genetic anomalies.“Funny”, in this sense, means strange or unusual, not laughable.
FOS – Full Of Shit, a diagnosis given to a patient that is likely not telling the truth or, alternatively to a patient with a bowel obstruction.
FTD – Fixing To Die.
FTF – Failure To Fly.
FLGD – Familial lack of Genetic Diversity.
FTW – Friggin Train Wreck (patient with multiple problems).
GOK – God Only Knows.
GFPO – Good For Parts Only.
GGTG – Gomers Go To Ground (they fall out of bed or gurneys).
GLM – Good Looking Mum.
GOMER – “get out of my emergency room” – a patient, usually poor or elderly, in the emergency room with a chronic, non-emergency condition. The name was popularized by Samuel Shem in his novel The House of God.
GPO – “Good for Parts Only”
GTO – Gomer Tip Over.
HP – Hispanic Panic, used to describe a Hispanic patient who believes their condition is worse than it actually is. This is generally a result of the perceived over-dramatic and theatrical nature of many Hispanic cultures.
LOBNH – Lights On But Nobody Home
LOLINAD – Little Old Lady In No Acute Distress.
LOLTWO – Little Old Lady Totally Whacked Out.
MFC – Measure For Coffin.
M & Ms – mortality and morbidity conferences where doctors and other health-care professionals discuss mistakes and patient deaths
NAD – Not Actually Done
NFS – Normal For Swindon.
O2T – Oxygen Thief.
ODD&DDR – Out ‘De Door and Down ‘De Road.
PAFO or PFO – Pissed And Fell Over
PBBB – Pine Box By Bedside.
PGT – Pissed and Got Thumped
PIP – Pyjama Induced Paralysis.
PITA – Pain In The A**.
PJAR – Person Just Ain’t Right.
PPP – Piss Poor Protoplasm – a patient endowed with inferior/defective genetic material
SALT – Same As Last Time.
SNEFS – Sub-Normal Even For Suffolk.
SWAG – Scientific, wild-A** Guess.
TBW – Tossed By Wave.
TEETH – Tried Everything Else; Try Homeopathy.
TEON – Two Eyes One Nose.
TMB – Too Many Birthdays.
TOBAS – Take Out Back And Shoot.
TTGA – Told To Go Away.
TTR – Tea Time Review
TUBE – Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination, often used to refer to an EKG done with the sole purpose of looking at a female patients breasts
UBI – “Unexplained Beer Injury”
UDI – “Unexplainable Drinking Injury”
WDWNF – Well Developed Well Nourished Female.
WNL – Used for recording vital signs. It can mean “within normal limits” or “we never looked”.
WTDB (Pronounced “whiskey tango DB”) – White Trash Douchebag
6PFP – 6-pack and a fishing pole, as in “this patient doesn’t need chemo, he needs 6PFP.” – Usually referring to an end-stage patient who should go die somewhere else.
I loved compiling these from various sources. It will be cool if you can send in your suggestions. Feel free to add your own through the comments. I will append the list above to make it more comprehensive.